i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
