Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
