now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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