You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
