Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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