Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
