My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
