Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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