I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
