If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
