I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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