I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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