September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
