Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
