I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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