Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found a bag of teeth...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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