All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
