took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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