Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
