vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
