Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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