moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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