I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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