threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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