If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
