My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
