hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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