You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
