he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am available for nakedness
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
