We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize