woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
