Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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