I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
