actually, I'm a sock model
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
