if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
worst night to have a conscience
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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