i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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