oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
