I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize