she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my being single is dangerous.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
