Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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