Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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