I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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