Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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