so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
