I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
