Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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