I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
