Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I believe in your delicious
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
