i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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