come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
