It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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