Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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