But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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