I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
