it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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