I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
