ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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