Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
