i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
