Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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