Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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