He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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