Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
