Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
