its not stalking. its research.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
