your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just had sex bonerless
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
