she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
accomplished twins. life is a go
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
