I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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