I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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