so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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