Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
