having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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