this just has baby written all over it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
