Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
