Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
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there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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