i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need to sanitize my soul.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
