Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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