You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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