doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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